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Words of Wisdom

You know how people send you all those smarmy emails?
Well I've been collecting some of them and consolidating them into a page of  'Wisdom'.
Have a look, have a laugh, if you're got a good one to add,

Charlie

1.

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday ... around age 11.

2.

You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape.  If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40.  If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

3.

The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are:
"I apologize" and "You are right."

4.

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5.

The best advice that your mother ever gave you was.  "Go! You might meet somebody!"

6.

If he/she says that you are too good for him/her--believe them.

7.

Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, 'Will this matter one year from now?  How about one month? One week? One day?'

8.

Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

9.

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

10.

Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

11.

Work is good, but it's not that important.

12.

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

13.

Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

14.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

15.

Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

16.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

17.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

18.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

19.

Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

20.

Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

21.

Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

22.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

23.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

24.

We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass... then things get worse.

25.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

26.

There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

27.

And lastly,
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

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